***GUIDANCE AND DISCAPLINE***

SonShine Family Child Care

“Special Care for Special Kids”

When it comes to guidance and discipline, we need to be sensitive to the multiplicity of our families, their culture and respect what they want for their children. Families are doing the best they can, with what knowledge and information they have. We are here not only to teach the children, but to teach the families too. There are a lot of different ways, philosophies, concepts, and ideas on how to apply guidance and discipline. I believe it first beings with figuring out your own temperament, abilities, tolerance, expectations, culture, and parenting guidance style. What you bring to the environment can make or break the guidance and discipline you want to provide. Guidance and discipline require consistency and follow through. You want to maintain the child’s self-esteem and help them gain self-control.

Once you have figured out your own unique parenting style and what expectations you have for your children, then you interweave the guidance and discipline into the fabric of the household and/or daycare routines. Look at your home, how is it set up? Do you have some kind of schedule? How is your play environment set up? Do you have too many toys, too few toys, more than one of the favorite toys, safe and inviting space? Are your rules and limits within reason? Are your schedules and expectations reasonable? Do you give the children time to play by themselves and one-on-one time with you? Are the children able to enjoy, experience, observe, and finish what they are doing? If so, then what discipline method will you use to teach your children when they do misbehave?

When I interview families, we discuss what approach to discipline they use and how it is similar or different from my discipline and guidance techniques. This is the beginning of our partnership in guiding their children. We want to support and help the child to gain self-control, using the same techniques as much as possible so the child has consistently in both places. We need to support the families’ customs.

I start working with the children, guiding and teaching them. Letting the children know what our expectations are as soon as they start attending my daycare. As I play with the children, I watch each child and observe them. Some of the things I look for are what kind of temperament they have? Do they have an assertive attitude or are they timid? Are the children, energetic or laid back?  Once I have a general idea of their personality, I start to teach them. I use sign language to help in communicating. I find sign language really helps in decreases the child’s frustration. I provide a flip book for the families to help them learn sign language if needed. Children are able to understand instruction at a very young age. They may not be able to express what they want with words, but they sure can defy us or throw a fit to tell us, they do not like something. As soon as we see that kind of behavior and they are making choices and helping, we need to hold them accountable for what they can do. The goal we want for the child(ren) is to learn to manage their own feelings and take responsibility for their own behavior at any age.

Being kind, gentle, and respectful are very important character traits I want my daycare children to learn. My families see these general character traits as important as well. They are basic, fundamental expectation for children as they grow. How you go about teaching these traits may be different, so you need to be culturally sensitive to the families’ customs.

I find myself spending a lot of time working with my children so they will learn, as they grow, what the rules are and what is expected. I have a general schedule to follow. This helps the children to know what to expect on a daily basis. It is not a strict structure, but it is a map for the children to follow, for instance, when do you eat meals, take naps, and play outside? The schedule may change some, day to day, but try to keep it simple and consistent. I have simple rules that the children helped make. If a child cannot socialize and learn self-control techniques, then I believe, they will have a hard time being accepted in society and will have a hard time with others.

When a child misbehaves, you have to make sure they understand what it is that they did inappropriate. If the child bites or hits another child, these are inappropriate behaviors. The child might be old enough for you to think he/she should know better, but too immature to comprehend what they did inappropriatly. A child must be able to understand what specific behavior was mistaken. If the children are too young and immature to understand what they did inappropriate, the child could be redirected or move the child to a different space. You should always make a point of instructing the child (ren) at any age. They will catch on eventually, but they will not learn if all you just redirect them without instruction.

Once a child is mature enough to understand what they did inappropriate, I start instruction that is more specific to the child’s learning ability and understanding. Usually when a child does something inappropriate, it is because of some frustration. We don’t always know what was frustrating to the child, but through talking with the families daily, observing the child, looking at the environment, and talking with them or signing, you should be able to discern what happened.

I use the following with children who show some maturity and ability to understand appropriate or mistaken choices. With the first offense, I will talk with the child and explain what the mistake was. Then have them explain what the poor choice was back to me if possible, talk about different choices, and then let them back to play. If the mistake happens again, I will again, explain the poor choice, have them explain what choice was not right back to me, to make sure they do really understand why the choice was not right, talk about the different choices and give them a warning with logical or natural consequences.

If the inappropriate choice happens a third time, they will have to take a break. I will remove the child from the environment if needed. If the child stays in the room with the other children, I will have them sit off to the side of the room, away from the play. If the child leaves the room, I have a thinking place for the child to take a break. In my home, it is by the stairs. They then come with me and are not able to continue to play. Either way, we talk about their choices and have them follow the natural or logical consequences.

I allow the children to help with the consequences if possible. I ask for their suggestions. If the children cannot help with suggestions then you can give them choices. If they don’t pick a choice, than you get to choose for them and that is that. No more discussion, now you follow through with the choice and consequence.

The amount of time varies depending on the age, poor choice, and the temperament of the child. Sometimes just removing them from the area is enough for the child to understand that what they were doing was not acceptable behavior. The amount of time the child will “Take a Break” varies too. You need enough time for the child to regain control of his emotions. It could be as quick as 15 to 30 seconds or a minute for each year old the child is. The break place may vary too. It could be with me, a spot on the floor, or a place on the stairs. All these places are within feet from me and I am in view. It depends on the child and what you feel they need to calm down. The children should never be isolated, humiliated, or harmed in any way.

We need to encourage our children. Just saying, “good job”, is not specific enough. Try to pick out a specific action your child is doing and compliment them. Try not to be so general. For example, “I like how --- Is putting --- away”, or “I see you used a lot of chalk”, wait and see how the child responds. Let them tell you the story behind what they are doing. Be patient and give the child enough time to respond. Most of the time, we are too busy to stop and listen to what the child has to say. Please take time to listen; your child will appreciate you taking the time to listen. The support you give your child will follow throughout the day and you will see by their choices and behavior.

It is very important to teach your children the behaviors and expectations you want. Having an environment that is appropriate to the child’s developmental stage will help decrease the frustrations, and fights. Making sure your expectations are set on the maturity of the child, and age appropriate. Age has little to do with the developmental aspects of children. Children vary a lot in their abilities. We need to be sensitive to the diverseness of our families, customs, and their culture. I share what I do with my families and they share what they do. Through this partnership, we incorporate the families approach in our guidance and discipline. This helps to develop good communication and a partnership with the family.

Wherever you go and take your child (ren), they should know what you are expecting and the consequences that will follow.

STEPS TO FOLLOW FOR GUIDANCE AND DISCIPLINE “TAKE A BREAK” 

1. Evaluate your families’ skills/expectations/culture
2. Make sure the families agree wth the technique.
3. Evaluate your environment
4. Observe your child. What personality/temperament does your child have?
5. Is the child too young, should you redirect/move with instruction?
6. Is the child mature enough to know appropriate behavior-inappropriate behavior?
7. Makes the 1^st mistake– talk/explain/child talks and goes back to play
8. Makes the 2^nd mistake- talk/explain/child talks, discuss consequences and goes back to play
9. Makes the 3^rd inappropriate choice – immediate removal-talk-explain-consequences. Sits for quiet time(1 minute for each age)
10. Before a child returns to play - you talk/discuss appropriate choices/apologize
11. After proper “Take a Break” – child returns to play.

      You can teach and be firm with your tone and expectations. You should never hit, spank, isolate, or humiliate a child. We want to teach a child into proper behavior.

Resources:

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/temp/parent_ed/pdfs/guidance_discipline.pdf

http://www.nncc.org/Series/good.time.guid.html